A few days ago, I attended a day-long forum at work with people from various parts of the organization. A constellation that doesn’t usually meet or work together.

As per my habit, I had placed my daily food-intake on the table in front of me and left the room we were in to fill my cup with liquid life elixir before we started. In front of the coffee station, I got caught up in a conversation with another colleague, and through the open door, I heard someone inside the room making fun of the laid-out food boxes.

When I then entered, this someone (who unfortunately holds a leading position) addressed me and made some mocking comments about the laid-out food, while exchanging glances with another colleague (who unfortunately is also in a leading position) [it’s difficult for me to interpret the situation here, but I concluded that it was either a shared look of ”looking down on,” or from the one who commented, seeking confirmation from the other, kind of like ”look what I dared to say” – a bit of informal leader-confirmation seeking]. The other colleague who received the glance also continued with the comments.

I won’t judge either of them or try to explain their behavior, but my experience was that this kind of banter had a condescending undertone. Kind of like those who thought they were cool in high school and then stopped developing there, and for the rest of their lives continue with the same behavior, believing they’re still cool. Something I don’t consider worthy of a manager or anyone else in a leading position. Or anyone else for that matter.

Anyway, that was a long lead-in. My point is this:

• For various reasons, conscious and unconscious, I have certain behaviors. I make certain choices.
• Someone else (or some others) considers my behavior to be in some way deviant and standing out, therefore a legitimate target for mockery (whether intended or not, that was my perception of the situation), and negatively and publicly pointing it out and drawing attention to it. Putting a spotlight on it.

As an adult, I’m surprised that other adults have this kind of behavior. It’s behavior that I don’t think is okay or belongs anywhere. But nevertheless, it exists in many places in everyday life, not just in school.

Wherever this kind of behavior exists, someone or some will end up in the line of fire. In this situation, it was me.

For me, this has previously created many feelings, everything from exclusion to sorrow, fear, submission, shame, a feeling of needing to apologize (for my existence? behavior? for ”disturbing”?) and alienation. But somewhere along the way, I stopped caring about what others (in this kind of situation) say and think. What was initially something I emotionally turned inwards to reinforce my own perception of inadequacy, went through a short phase of being angry and almost agressive towards these kinds of people, to naturally (nothing I consciously chose or worked on), landing in the realization that their thoughts and opinions don’t actually have to mean anything to me. I don’t have to let their opinions have value or a place in my life. They are their opinions, their behavior, their choices.

Nowadays, I mostly feel sorry for those kinds of people. Sad for them that they are stuck in such behavior and have a ”need” to act in a way that puts other people in their place and forces other people to submit to their ”right behavior” and impose their worldview on others.

For a period, I wrestled with thoughts on how to respond to these kinds of people and ”educate them” by confronting, addressing, or pointing out their negative behaviors. And how to do this in the best way.

But somewhere during many long thought loops, I landed in the fact that it’s not my job to educate other people, or that I have, can, or should take responsibility for other people’s behaviors or choices. Nor can I, like those mentioned above, impose my worldview and my rights and wrongs on them. Then I would be guilty of the same thing (one of them?) that I dislike in their behavior.

That’s probably one of the reasons (I reflect now) why I created this page and choose to share thoughts and perspectives here. If you’re looking for input, I’m willing to share it with you. You choose to take part in it, make your own assessment of whether it appeals to you or not, and take in what suits you. Just like other sources and other things in your environment. Your melting pot of impressions affects you. Whether I’ve been part of that melting pot or not is not important to me, but I’m glad you take the time to reflect and seek input and fuel for your thoughts and personal development. I applaud you for that and wish more people would follow your example and challenge themselves to grow! Well done you!