Yesterday, March 12, 2025, I lost a lifelong companion who had been with me for nearly 17 years. My cat, Gusten.

Overwhelming and many emotions.

I belong to those who believe and live by trying to put words or names to feelings when they arise. Either by writing a diary or writing it down in some other way, or by talking to someone.

For me, once the feeling is transformed into words, it becomes easier to understand with thoughts and intellect. Only then can I begin to process and understand. Draw lessons, let the feeling transform into something, and hopefully lead me forward in understanding life and myself.

An insight that comes after Gusten left my home, which at first was just emptiness, a stripped-down home suddenly without the life that had just been here, via the insight that it is now up to my daughter and me to fill this home with content, joy, love and a new sense of home (something that Gusten contributed incredibly much to), to arrive at (for the moment at least, perhaps there will be more) the insight: I struggle to give myself warmth and love. Gusten helped me incredibly much along the way by giving me lots of warmth and love. When he gave me that, it was much easier to take over and continue. But now that his helping push is no longer available to me in everyday life, I need to find my own independent way to give myself that push and get over the threshold to give myself warmth and love.

Thank you for everything, kingcat!