From time to time, I get caught in thoughts and thought loops that take me back to the realization that we are pack animals from the Savannah, evolved into what we now call the modern human.

Back then, group affiliation was super important, it was super important to get along with everyone, and to be liked, to avoid being ostracized by the group. Back then, we couldn’t survive alone. Back then, it was (I guess) more difficult to choose group affiliation and social context.

But not today.

Today, it’s perfectly okay for me not to like everyone around me. It’s okay to have different opinions or behaviors than the people around me. It’s okay that I don’t like everyone around me. And it’s also okay for everyone around me not to have to like me. Although I consider this to be true in all contexts and everywhere, it becomes especially clear to me in situations where I can’t choose the people around me. For example, at work or school. When I engage in a leisure activity. In a store. On the train or bus. At a café.

For me, a behavior where I have to please everyone, be liked by everyone, or at least accepted by everyone, becomes very destructive to my own self. For me, it requires a constant negotiation with my values and boundaries, and not just negotiation but often violations. It becomes something that affects me negatively.

But since I’m not that individual on the Savannah who depends on being liked by the people around me, I’ve accepted that I don’t need to be liked by everyone around me. I’ve also accepted that I don’t need to like all the people around me. At the same time, I choose to always act as correctly and neutrally as possible if there’s someone I dislike. I don’t have to be unpleasant or mean to anyone else, even if they are to me. I can still be correct and neutral.

When I can choose my social context, friends, etc., then I can (should) make sure to surround myself with people I actually like and have an exchange with. And where hopefully the reverse is also true, that they have an exchange with and like hanging out with me. For me, it also becomes a responsibility I have to take, or can choose to take. Which people are good for me, which should I avoid or minimize interaction time with?