To encounter and be filled by big thoughts, feelings, or experiences can be both absolutely fantastic and incredibly difficult, depending on the nature of the thought, feeling, or experience. Positive things are easy and grateful to get caught up in, and it can be wonderful to let oneself be swept away and overwhelmed. But it can also become difficult or paralyzing when something kidnaps you and affects you so much that you seem to get lost in what you are experiencing.

Sometimes it can be big, clear things, sometimes it’s smaller things that linger with you for a long time and get heavy to keep on carrying.

The mind is strange, and despite things that make you feel bad, they can still resurface into your consciousness time and time again.

Big or small, if it affects you negatively, it can be nice to learn to let go. It’s a simple thing to say (write) but can be much harder to do. And as with most things, there is no universal solution that fits everyone or every situation. But there are most likely things that can help you and make you feel better. The unfortunate thing is that it is most likely up to you how you choose to handle it. Which is also the beautiful thing. You can influence it.

Identify and name

The first step is to try to name what you feel. What is causing friction? What is the big feeling? Is there something beneath the surface of the big feeling? Can you find any nuances in it? Feelings are often nested, and scratching the surface can give you more understanding of what it’s really about. A bit like an onion (thanks Shrek!), there can be several layers to explore.

Define and choose a strategy

When you have explored your feeling and perhaps managed to delve into it a bit, can you trace it back to something? A specific situation? Something bigger or smaller? Something about a person? In a relationship?

When you have managed to put your finger on what it is (or something that affects, sometimes there can be several) that creates this difficulty within you, ask yourself: what in the situation can I influence?

Everything that you cannot influence, whether it’s the war in Ukraine, that Trump was re-elected in the USA, and other things that are beyond your control – those things you need to find a strategy to handle (more on that below), and for things you realize you can influence, try to define them as clearly as possible:

• I can do this, in this way, at this time and/or place.
• I can make this choice, for this reason with this desired result.
• I can create these conditions for myself by acting like this in this situation.

There are many ways to express yourself clearly to yourself, the above are just examples. Find a way to express yourself that is clear and feels good for you.

Prioritize your energy, time, and resources

If you have realized that there is actually something you can do, it does not automatically mean that you should do it. But now you have a choice and an understanding that you can influence it, and hopefully you have reinforced the feeling that you are in the driver’s seat and are not being kidnapped by big feelings without you having anything to say about it.

If it is clear to you what you can do, it becomes natural to weave it into everything else that is around you in your life. Make a choice. Is the expected result of what you can do something that is more important to prioritize than other things? What do you want your energy, your time, and other resources such as money, space, or material to be sufficient for? For me, I have more wishes about things to do than I actually have energy, time, and resources to carry out. I need to prioritize. I choose what I think I get the most return for when I choose what I put my energy, time, and resources into. The return does not always have to be a short-term profit here and now, it can also be a long-term perspective, something that pays off over time.

So, even though I have realized that I can do something, it does not mean that I actually choose to do something. I can deprioritize things I understand I can do, and then I need to decide how to relate to it, just as I need to relate to things that I cannot influence.

Approaches and coping strategies

For things I cannot influence, or for things I choose to deprioritize, because I want to put my energy, time, or resources into something else, I need to relate to in some way. For me, that means I actively need to reprogram my brain and/or change behavior.

Behavioral changes can be to avoid exposing myself to triggers to what initiated the feeling, perhaps avoid reading news or opt out of news about Ukraine/Trump (to tie back to the examples above). It can also be to prevent things. If I have a tendency to become ”hangry,” I can make sure to eat preventively.

Coping strategies can be to influence everything from your own expectations to asking for help or choosing social interaction and/or activities that make you feel good (and at the same time opt out of what affects you negatively).

Coping strategies are a whole science in themselves, and I encourage you to use some of your Google-fu knowledge if you want to delve deeper into the subject. It is well worth doing to get inspiration for what can work for you and what feels appealing to try for you.